You open your phone to “just check one thing,” and suddenly it’s 20 minutes later. You’ve seen vacation photos, engagement announcements, and endless productivity hacks. Somehow, you feel a little worse than when you started.
What just happened?
The Comparison Trap
Social media thrives on comparison. It serves us highlight reels and labels them real life. Without realizing it, we begin to fuse with thoughts like “Everyone else is happier” or “I should be doing more.”
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this process is called cognitive fusion—when we treat our thoughts as facts and let them dictate how we feel and behave.
When those thoughts sting, our instinct is often avoidance: scrolling longer, distracting ourselves, chasing the next dopamine hit. This isn’t weakness—it’s the mind trying to protect us from discomfort. Unfortunately, avoidance usually fuels anxiety rather than easing it.
When Connection Feels Lonely
Ironically, the very thing designed to connect us can increase feelings of isolation. Research links frequent social media use with higher levels of anxiety and loneliness (Twenge & Campbell, 2019). Not because screens are inherently bad, but because constant comparison pulls us away from our values—our deeper sense of what truly matters.
ACT reminds us that fulfillment doesn’t come from controlling our feelings or perfecting our image. It comes from living in alignment with our values, even when uncomfortable thoughts show up.
Choosing Presence Over Perfection
So how can we relate to social media differently?
- Notice the Pull. Before opening an app, pause and ask: “What am I hoping to feel right now?”
- Defuse the Thought. Instead of “I’m behind,” try “I’m noticing the thought that I’m behind.” That small shift creates space—and space changes everything.
- Reconnect With Values. What do you want your life to stand for—connection, creativity, authenticity? Let those values, not the algorithm, guide your choices.
- Act on Purpose. Call a friend. Step outside. Post something honest instead of polished. Small, values-based actions are what build real meaning.
The Takeaway
Social media isn’t inherently harmful—but how we engage with it matters. When we practice awareness, acceptance, and values-driven action, scrolling can shift from an automatic reflex to a conscious choice.
Let your values steer the feed, not the other way around.
We’re here when you’re ready.
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