If you’ve spent much time on this website, or especially if you’ve been in therapy before, you might have heard something along the lines of “____ can help you live the life you want to live.” After months, years, even decades of feeling controlled by anxiety, depression, trauma, or any number of mental health concerns, it may be that “the life you want to live” is not some crystal clear picture.Rather than trying to get rid of the unpleasant emotions from your life, what if you instead focused on filling your life with what is important to you?A cornerstone of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is, clarifying our core values that can help us understand what really is important to us and how we want to live.
What are values?
Values can be thought of as our “inner compass” – they point us in the directions we want to go. They are qualities we aspire to exhibit through interacting with ourselves, others, and the world around us. When it comes to values, there is no “right” or “wrong;” we choose which values are most important to us.Living in accordance with our values is an ongoing process.We never “complete” a value. If I value service to others, I don’t get to say “wow, I did such a great job helping my neighbor move, I don’t think I’ll ever help anyone again!” Just as we move toward our values today, so too can we move toward them tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.Values are qualities of actions, not necessarily actions in and of themselves. For example, being a therapist is very important to me, but it is not a value of mine. My values are shown in how I do therapy. Maybe I strive to be mindful and present, or warm and compassionate, or helpful and informative in my work as a therapist. These qualities of my actions would be my values.
Values vs Goals
I find it helpful to distinguish between values and goals, as it can be easy to mistake the two. Put concisely, goals are things in the future that you want to have, accomplish, or complete. Values, on the other hand, are how you can act in the present, and on an ongoing basis for the rest of your life. In any given moment, we can choose to act towards our values. Goals, by definition, are in the future.If we eventually accomplish a goal (which is rarely guaranteed), we no longer have it. Our values, on the other hand, are always available to us. In building a meaningful life, both goals and values are important. However, a life focused only on goals can end up falling short. If you are only pursuing future-oriented goals, you are not living in the present moment and your sense of purpose may disappear after you complete the goal. It may leave you constantly feeling dissatisfied, asking “what’s next?”Instead, a values-oriented life can give a sense of fulfillment in the present, even while you pursue goals.The key is making the process meaningful and satisfying. Instead of living moment-to-moment, a value-oriented life means living in the moment.
Put it into Practice
The first step in crafting a values-focused life is clarifying your core values. Core values are ones you freely choose – not ones that you feel you should have. For some, these core values are obvious. Others may need time to explore and discover their most important values. Your therapist can likely help you with this process, or some fun quizzes can be found online.Once you have a good idea of your values, notice what thoughts, emotions, or physical sensations pop up when life starts to get tough. What do these thoughts and feelings ask of you..? What do you feel like doing when they show up..? Would acting that way bring you closer to your values, or pull you further away from them..?Painful or discomfort can pull you away from your values if you aren’t careful. Even when it comes with pain, you can ask – what can I do right now to move towards what is important? With every action you take, you move closer to (or further away from) your core values. Values, even when their pursuit comes with pain, ultimately make life worth living. Each moment in the present is a new opportunity to decide: how do I make my next step matter?
Author
Payton Ward, B.A.
Payton Ward is a Doctoral Extern at Vivid Psychology Group and is working toward his Doctorate of Clinical Psychology (PsyD) from the University of Denver. He earned his Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from UCLA
