By Payton Ward, B.A., Doctoral Extern
Chances are there are times when your thoughts run the show. Maybe you stay awake all night playing out the possibility of getting into a car accident on your way to work. Maybe you experience the thought “nobody likes me” and then cancel your plans with friends, using your loneliness as evidence for that thought’s truth. Thoughts like these can feel very persistent and painful (it might even feel like you ARE your thoughts!).
It doesn’t have to be this way.
Before going further, I invite you to pause a few moments and observe what’s going on in your mind. Close your eyes (after you finish reading this paragraph) and let your mind wander wherever it wants to wander to. Notice what words, feelings, images, judgments, etc. arise. Ready… go!
…
Welcome back! What did you notice your mind doing? What thoughts came up in that time? Assuming you did the exercise and answered these questions, you took the first step towards freedom from your thoughts. You showed that you are not your thoughts. Think about it (haha) – if you are able to step back and observe what’s going on with your thoughts, then that means there is a you who is distinct from your thoughts.
Treating thoughts as separate from ourselves is a core piece of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and involves a process called Cognitive Defusion. When we treat our thoughts as absolute truth, when we let them guide our behavior in ways that don’t help us- this is called being “fused” with thoughts.
Creating distance from our thoughts disarms them – we can choose to attend to thoughts that help us, and let go of ones that don’t. Importantly, this process isn’t about getting rid of unpleasant thoughts, but rather, about not letting them control what we do.
Give the following Cognitive Defusion techniques a try to begin to “unhook” from your thoughts (Adapted from Russ Harris [2019]):
- Notice
When you experience a distressing thought, simply notice it is there. Then, say to yourself “I’m having the thought that [insert thought here].”The thought is immediately seen for what it is: just a thought. Then, once you’re a true master of defusion, you might say “I’m noticing I’m having the thought that [insert thought here].” This creates even more distance between you (the observer) and the thoughts you experience. - Describe
Another way to put some distance between you and a thought is to thoroughly describe it; not necessarily its contents, but its other qualities. Picture the thought as though it were a real, physical object.- Where is the thought? Is it nearby, right behind your eyes? Is it looming in the dark corner of the room?
- How is the thought shaped? Is it big? Small? Is it a spiky ball with jagged edges? Or maybe a flat puddle?
- What does the thought feel like? Is it sticky? Rough? Is it hot or cold?
- How is the thought moving? Is it racing circles around you as you try to catch it? Maybe it’s sitting heavy and motionless in your chest.
- What does the thought sound like? Loud or soft? Is it your own voice? Someone else’s?
- Evaluate
Thoughts, when listened to, often lead us in one direction or another. When you notice a particularly sticky thought, you can ask yourself a question: is listening to this thought leading me towards what is important to me, or toward something else?The task is not to assess whether thoughts are “good” or “bad,” (as thoughts are neither of those – they just are). Rather, you are asking yourself if engaging with (or listening to) the sticky thought is helping or hindering you in living the life you want to live. - Make it Ridiculous
Thoughts sometimes feel important. However, just because you experience a thought, it doesn’t mean it’s important. This is especially true for painful, self-defeating, or anxiety-looping thoughts. Here’s how to use ridiculousness to get unstuck from thoughts: - Change the Tone
When a sticky thought is hanging around, pick a cartoon character you find funny and say the thought in their voice. For example, imagine Disney’s Goofy saying “hyuck, hyuck, I’m worthless!” Takes the sting out a bit, doesn’t it? - Sing it Out
You might also try singing unhelpful thoughts aloud. Anytime you’re somewhere with a radio playing, do you stop and pay close attention to the lyrics of every song? I would hope not – that sounds exhausting! Your mind can be a radio playing its thoughts, and it’s okay to simply sing along without analyzing the lyrics. - Make it Nonsensical
Lastly, you could reduce the thought down to one word, maybe two, and then say it over and over again for at least 20 seconds. You’ll likely notice how it starts to sound strange over time, as though it is nothing more than a meaningless string of sounds.
Conclusion
In summary, our mind gives us thoughts- whether we want them or not. Some are helpful, while others keep us stuck. Practice these Cognitive Defusion strategies and you just might start to get some distance from those pesky thoughts and start moving forward.
